Archive for September, 2014

I Was Near Death But Decided I Wanted a Taco Instead

September 26, 2014

*Kyra decided to make some edits and interjections after this was written. You may notice her new thoughts in BOLD

One of the important lessons I try to teach my kids is empathy. Try to look at things from someone else’s point of view. When someone tells you a story realize that you are only getting their perspective. The other person or persons involved may have a very different explanation of events. This includes the stories that you tell to others. Even though you feel strongly about the events does not mean that you are right. You are more than likely biased by your own interpretations of what actually happened. My daughter came home after job hunting in the big city with a tale of near death at the hands of a careless driver. Kyra, having a newly minted license, was driving through the parking lot when a woman inexplicably backed out of a parking spot and nearly ran into her before speeding off. She repeated many times that “I almost died! She tried to kill me Dad!” Then a short time later I received this message in my inbox.

She tried to kill me.

Did she? Or did you try to kill her? Think about it

She tried to kill me! 😦

Maybe she was trying to kill herself? Maybe she thought she had done enough when you stopped short and now she has to go on with her day feeling like she failed in life again…. you should have more sympathy for her plight. Or maybe she was having a bad day and decided she wanted to kill someone, and I was it. Ever think about that father? I almost died.


Weeks later she is still pointing out the fact that she almost died.

Along with grossly exaggerated stories of near death, Kyra also likes to try and distract me from a sensitive topic by offering tacos. While this does work sometimes (I do love me some tacos). Sometimes I can catch on to her smoke and mirrors and try to keep her on topic. I have been trying to convince her for years to participate in some fantasy football leagues with me and year after year she declines. This season I was signing up for another league when this message comes to my Facebook inbox from her room, so I took a chance.

Is my TV too loud?

Nope. Do you want to do a fantasy team?

No… I do want a taco though

Are you absolutely sure?

That I want a taco?

I give no shits about a taco…. fantasy footballs!!!! If you really want a taco there are still leftovers to be had(weeks later) I am still waiting for the taco that you never made me… not getting any younger here.

And I’m sure no fantasy football.


Why do you hate me?

Why do you hate me? I am the one creating a new bonding experience… you are the one fighting it! So who is displaying the ‘I don’t like you or anything you stand’ for behavior? YOU! I am creating memories for you to deny.


hahaha. Ask me why I hate you and that is what you get!

One day I will get to her and she will discover just how wonderful it is to participate in fake football for no reward from the safety of behind a computer screen. Hey, I have taken the large step in doing the board at Randy’s Fantasy Football draft. That is quality bonding time right there. Appreciate the good things. I don’t have a team but I still actively participate for at least one day out of the year… I feel that is a decent amount of effort put into it.


Introductions of the heros

September 19, 2014

How to write a co-blog with your daughter? Do we walk around with a recorder trying to catch those conversations that leave us both laughing uncontrollably? Sounds like a tedious thing to do. Fast forward through all of the silence and hope your conversation doesn’t seem forced. How can you be interesting or funny when you know that you are supposed to be being interesting or funny? I don’t know, but we are going to try and find out.

First thing is first though. Introductions need to be made, actually no. A few rules need to be addressed. I will not be talking about any of her weird boyfriends specifically, relationships perhaps, but only in general terms. We will probably not refer to members of the family at all, no dirty laundry will be aired. I do reserve the right to add rules that I spontaneously think of in the moment.

And an FYI, to keep from adding, “I said” then “she said” Her parts will always be in italics, unless it is funnier to make it seem like she something that she didn’t.

So what to say about my daughter? She is equal parts maddening and brilliant. Sprinkle in a few bits of complete frustration and infuriating combativeness and that is her. She understands my madness though. She can tell when I am attempting humor and gets it. Not only does she understand, you will see in future posts that she seems to enjoy instigating me on when I start babbling on about whatever it is we are talking about. I find her hilarious, but she thinks and acts a lot like me so is that self-centered?

To the outside world maybe she is just a typical teenage girl, shrieking with glee at the mention of some pop star that I have never heard of. Maybe the truth is that she speaks in text speak when I am not around SMH. Maybe, because she is my daughter, I filter out all of that nonsense and just see her as a smart, witty and thoughtful human being. It could be that I turn a deaf ear to the insane giggles of her and her friends because she laughs at my jokes. Either way I enjoy her company more than a little bit so who cares if she says “like” a little too often and thinks Dr. Who is dull. Not me, but for the record Dr. Who is fantastic television.

Hmm… What to possibly say about my dad? Where to start? With his incessant need to make me enjoy football? Yes, let’s start with that. Constantly reminding me that it is a Thursday or a Sunday to which I respond with a “sigh”. Always talking to me about statistics and players that I will never understand. On occasions his cooking makes up for the football nagging.

When my dad and I talk to each other I can always tell if he’s interested in what I am saying. How can I tell such a thing you might ask? If he is quick to respond with an argument or suggestion he cares. If he’s not arguing with me he doesn’t care about the subject, and isn’t listening.

Overall I find brilliance in most of the things we talk about. Separately we are both quiet people who would never willingly start a conversation with anyone, but put together I must say there is some amount of genius in both of us (or madness)… Who can tell the difference anyway?

It is so strange because we are so much alike, yet we rarely agree on anything. This is probably due to his overly stubborn personality… I guess that’s what keeps the conversations interesting, I mean who wants to talk to someone that you can always agree with?

Without my dad I would have no pointless jokes to exhale air a little faster than normal at, and no one to make fun of for playing a little too much World of Warcraft.